Friday, September 7, 2012

Awkward Moment

Totally Random:  That awkward moment when you strip for your husband and your clothes doesn't come off smoothly, your dance isn't as sexy and you thought it was, your husband laughs at you, and you bust your ass trying to take off your panties. Yeah that moment when your night doesn't go as fantastically sexy as you planned. That's exactly how my night was last night and it all started with that dumb ass idea..........

 Monday I suddenly got the bright idea to do a strip tease for my husband. Good idea right? Well don't pull your pom poms out just yet, how does the saying go....wait there's more. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I couldn't pull that shit off but me being me...well all I could think about was how epic it would be if I did pull it off. First things first, I had to decide on a song. After careful consideration I decided that I would dance to Kelly Rowland's Motivation. Oh ladies I was hyped up...I was like football players in the locker room before a  game  "Wooo... Yeah Baby Let's Do This!!!!!! Yeah I was totally pumped. So I had my song next on my list was to pick out something sexy and mind blowing to wear so I went to Victoria's Secret. I told the sales lady what I was doing and she was eager to help pick my outfit. I felt totally sexy in it which made me even more excited about my dance. Okay confession time....I do not know how to dance, I never knew how to dance. My dancing is worse than Elaine's on Seinfeld. So I did the only thing I knew...I went to YouTube  ( don't judge me) and found a really simple sexy dance routine that I felt confident enough to do. I learned the routine and practiced it in the mirror at least 50 times. I was good at I thought. And now here we are, it's game time...I set the mood in the room, a fold up chair for hubby to sit in, candles, rose pedals, wine, whipped cream, the works. My hubby came into the room and I pressed play on my iPod and began my routine. Everything was going good until it was time for the clothes to come off, that's when the night started taking a turn for the worse. I struggled taking my top off ( it was laced too tight and wasn't easy to slip off, my bra... well there was nothing sexy about taking that off I totally struggled with it, I tripped over my feet and bust my ass trying to dance and take my panties off at the same time, and to top it all off my husband was in tears from laughing so hard. I know Right?! Rude! Enough was enough I told my hubby that I was through and before I could finished my sentence he blurted out "Thank God" with a huge smile on his face. He walked to me gave me a hug and kiss and made me promise never to dance again. And for all you perverts wondering what happened next...well use your imagination freaks!

Healthy Me: For the last two months I've been stuck at a plateau with my weight ranging between 143-145 I've been busting my ass (not literally this time) at the gym and eating right and these last few pounds don't want to leave. I've been trying to evict their free loading asses but they refuse to leave. (what is this? Occupy Christina.) Well I really want to reach my goal weight so I decided to try something drastic to jump start my metabolism. Sunday night I'm going to cook and pre prepare my lunch and dinner for the week. My menu will be: strawberry & banana protein smoothie for breakfast, chicken salad with Italian dressing for lunch, baked chicken and a veggie for dinner, and pistachios for my snack. I will drink only water and have absolutely no sugar and low... like really low carbs. Exercise will consist of  C25K three times this week, zumba twice this week, and one spin class. I'm like so serious if this shit does not work I'm going to be extremely PISSED...ugh I can't even think about it. I'm going to think positive and hope like hell it works and of course I'm gonna keep you gals posted. Wish me luck Bitches!

Smiles All Around and Kisses

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god! I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying! I keep picturing the striptease scene in that Jamie Lee Curtis/Arnold Schwarzenegger movie!