Totally Random: That awkward moment when you strip for your husband and your clothes doesn't come off smoothly, your dance isn't as sexy and you thought it was, your husband laughs at you, and you bust your ass trying to take off your panties. Yeah that moment when your night doesn't go as fantastically sexy as you planned. That's exactly how my night was last night and it all started with that dumb ass idea..........
Monday I suddenly got the bright idea to do a strip tease for my husband. Good idea right? Well don't pull your pom poms out just yet, how does the saying go....wait there's more. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I couldn't pull that shit off but me being me...well all I could think about was how epic it would be if I did pull it off. First things first, I had to decide on a song. After careful consideration I decided that I would dance to Kelly Rowland's Motivation. Oh ladies I was hyped up...I was like football players in the locker room before a game "Wooo... Yeah Baby Let's Do This!!!!!! Yeah I was totally pumped. So I had my song next on my list was to pick out something sexy and mind blowing to wear so I went to Victoria's Secret. I told the sales lady what I was doing and she was eager to help pick my outfit. I felt totally sexy in it which made me even more excited about my dance. Okay confession time....I do not know how to dance, I never knew how to dance. My dancing is worse than Elaine's on Seinfeld. So I did the only thing I knew...I went to YouTube ( don't judge me) and found a really simple sexy dance routine that I felt confident enough to do. I learned the routine and practiced it in the mirror at least 50 times. I was good at it...so I thought. And now here we are, it's game time...I set the mood in the room, a fold up chair for hubby to sit in, candles, rose pedals, wine, whipped cream, the works. My hubby came into the room and I pressed play on my iPod and began my routine. Everything was going good until it was time for the clothes to come off, that's when the night started taking a turn for the worse. I struggled taking my top off ( it was laced too tight and wasn't easy to slip off, my bra... well there was nothing sexy about taking that off I totally struggled with it, I tripped over my feet and bust my ass trying to dance and take my panties off at the same time, and to top it all off my husband was in tears from laughing so hard. I know Right?! Rude! Enough was enough I told my hubby that I was through and before I could finished my sentence he blurted out "Thank God" with a huge smile on his face. He walked to me gave me a hug and kiss and made me promise never to dance again. And for all you perverts wondering what happened next...well use your imagination freaks!
Healthy Me: For the last two months I've been stuck at a plateau with my weight ranging between 143-145 I've been busting my ass (not literally this time) at the gym and eating right and these last few pounds don't want to leave. I've been trying to evict their free loading asses but they refuse to leave. (what is this? Occupy Christina.) Well I really want to reach my goal weight so I decided to try something drastic to jump start my metabolism. Sunday night I'm going to cook and pre prepare my lunch and dinner for the week. My menu will be: strawberry & banana protein smoothie for breakfast, chicken salad with Italian dressing for lunch, baked chicken and a veggie for dinner, and pistachios for my snack. I will drink only water and have absolutely no sugar and low... like really low carbs. Exercise will consist of C25K three times this week, zumba twice this week, and one spin class. I'm like so serious if this shit does not work I'm going to be extremely PISSED...ugh I can't even think about it. I'm going to think positive and hope like hell it works and of course I'm gonna keep you gals posted. Wish me luck Bitches!
Smiles All Around and Kisses
~KrazyCutie~
Friday, September 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
...Tuesday
Totally Random: So my 5yr old daughter comes downstairs with her new jewelry box that Daddy bought her. "Mommy look." she says " Oh baby its so pretty. A princess jewelry box fit for a princess!" She opens it and asks me to look again. I took another look and once again told her how pretty it was. "No Mommy look inside what do you see?" her jewelry box is empty so I was confused as to why she was asking me to look inside. I did then told her that I didn't see anything. As she slams the jewelry box shut, she puts her hand on her hips and says "Exactly. Nothing. We need to go to Claire's." I was caught completely off guard by her comment that I agreed to take her.
Healthy Me: I go to the gym M-F and I always see this one hot chick with the sexy legs. (Yeah that's right Bitches I was checking her out, I'm not a lesbian but if I was I would totally hit that.) I finally built up the courage to ask her about her exercise routine without feeling like I was harassing her.so this is how our lame ass conservation went:
me: I'm sorry to disturb you but you have really sexy legs, what do you do to get them so toned?
her: (Blushing and all bright eyed) Thanks for the compliment but I don't have to do much to maintain this body I have a very high metabolism. I only workout 2-3 times a week.
my subconscious: Gurl you betta burst that bitches bubble with her lying ass.
me: Hmm that's odd because I see you here everyday at the same time and I know you are here at least an hour because that's how long I'm here. So obviously your body isn't that easy to maintain.
She gasps as if she so disgusted and offended by my response. I put my ear buds in, smile at her and walk away as my subconscious gives me a high five. Is it bad that I feel a little ticked because she didn't tell me her secrete workout routine.... what a silly bitch.
Smiles All Around and Kisses
~Krazy Cutie~
Healthy Me: I go to the gym M-F and I always see this one hot chick with the sexy legs. (Yeah that's right Bitches I was checking her out, I'm not a lesbian but if I was I would totally hit that.) I finally built up the courage to ask her about her exercise routine without feeling like I was harassing her.so this is how our lame ass conservation went:
me: I'm sorry to disturb you but you have really sexy legs, what do you do to get them so toned?
her: (Blushing and all bright eyed) Thanks for the compliment but I don't have to do much to maintain this body I have a very high metabolism. I only workout 2-3 times a week.
my subconscious: Gurl you betta burst that bitches bubble with her lying ass.
me: Hmm that's odd because I see you here everyday at the same time and I know you are here at least an hour because that's how long I'm here. So obviously your body isn't that easy to maintain.
She gasps as if she so disgusted and offended by my response. I put my ear buds in, smile at her and walk away as my subconscious gives me a high five. Is it bad that I feel a little ticked because she didn't tell me her secrete workout routine.... what a silly bitch.
Smiles All Around and Kisses
~Krazy Cutie~
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Epic Fail
Totally Random: I love flirting with my husband so decided I would call on my inner sex goddess and start sexting. Now I'm no expert I'm not even that good at it but compared to my husband I'm the sext queen. It would be easier for me to upload the text from my phone, but I don't have an Iphone and don't know how to do it from my My Touch. I'm a simple bitch so I'm just gonna type it out...yeah that's right I'm going old school on y'all asses so here we go...
Ex #1) Me: Hey Hun I'm just getting out of the shower and as I was rubbing oil on me I couldn't help but to think about you and how your hands and mouth were all over me this morning and how much I want to feel them on me now...starting from my ear and trail down my neck then to my breast pleasuring my nipples and kiss from my stomach down to my.....
Hubby: I'm peeing and it reminds me of how warm you feel.
WTF really? soooo urine makes you think of me. FAIL
Ex #2) Me: I'm sitting here at work feeling all hot and bothered just thinking about all the kinky fuckery we are gonna have tonight. hmmm I just might have to pay you a visit on my lunch break ;)
Hubby: Lunch sounds good can you bring me subway and I can lick the mayo off of you.
OMG this man really sucks at sexting like bad... I guess I will stick to flirting. FAIL
Healthy Me: This morning I was a little tired and really didn't feel like going for my run. My subconscious said that we should take a break and chill out for the day but that's just not possible. She was like " We don't need to run, just have sex with hubby and burn calories that way." so I thought about it and as tempting as that offer was I decided to run so I told her to stop being lazy and gear up. This was my best run ever! I ran 5k in 40min! HOLLA! You already know I was tired and winded and there was no way in H E double hockey sticks that I could run back home so I walked back happy as ever that I took that run. Have a great Sunday Hookers!
This is the trail I run on. (sorry for the crappy pic)
Ex #1) Me: Hey Hun I'm just getting out of the shower and as I was rubbing oil on me I couldn't help but to think about you and how your hands and mouth were all over me this morning and how much I want to feel them on me now...starting from my ear and trail down my neck then to my breast pleasuring my nipples and kiss from my stomach down to my.....
Hubby: I'm peeing and it reminds me of how warm you feel.
WTF really? soooo urine makes you think of me. FAIL
Ex #2) Me: I'm sitting here at work feeling all hot and bothered just thinking about all the kinky fuckery we are gonna have tonight. hmmm I just might have to pay you a visit on my lunch break ;)
Hubby: Lunch sounds good can you bring me subway and I can lick the mayo off of you.
OMG this man really sucks at sexting like bad... I guess I will stick to flirting. FAIL
Healthy Me: This morning I was a little tired and really didn't feel like going for my run. My subconscious said that we should take a break and chill out for the day but that's just not possible. She was like " We don't need to run, just have sex with hubby and burn calories that way." so I thought about it and as tempting as that offer was I decided to run so I told her to stop being lazy and gear up. This was my best run ever! I ran 5k in 40min! HOLLA! You already know I was tired and winded and there was no way in H E double hockey sticks that I could run back home so I walked back happy as ever that I took that run. Have a great Sunday Hookers!
This is the trail I run on. (sorry for the crappy pic)
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Kind of a Introduction
Totally Random: So as I was clipping and organizing my coupons from the last two weeks (yeah I'm a krazy coupon lady and damn proud of it), I started to think about how cool it would be to start a blog. After some careful consideration I decided not to. Then decided what the hell I'll just do it. I know its crazy but then again...that's me. So I finished up with my coupons and got started creating this blog then got side tracked because I'm a pinhead and I love Pintress. Anyway my first post is now complete. I hope you enjoy!
Healthy Me: Ugh...where do I begin? I started my "Healthy Me" journey on Jan. 1st I was a total sugar whore. I LOVE sweets but the feeling is not mutual. Before I knew it I was a whopping 180lbs!!I know right!? Well I decided enough was enough so long story short, I joined Weight Watchers, established a workout routine and made better eating choices. Losing weight was NOT easy...you see...my subconscious is a lazy bitch that just wants to sit on the couch and stuff her face hole all damn day. During the first few months of this journey I fought with her everyday just to get my workout done. I'd be all like "Let's go to the gym." and she'd be like "Hell no, Bad Girls Club is on." I think she is finally starting to come around though...who am I kidding that bitch is still lazy.
Inquiring minds want to know...here are my stats
Height: 5'6 Starting
Weight: 180
Current Weight: 144
Goal Weight 135
I didn't take measurements but I went from a 14 to a lose 8 Hells Yea!
Smiles all Around and Kisses
~KrAzY Cutie~
Healthy Me: Ugh...where do I begin? I started my "Healthy Me" journey on Jan. 1st I was a total sugar whore. I LOVE sweets but the feeling is not mutual. Before I knew it I was a whopping 180lbs!!I know right!? Well I decided enough was enough so long story short, I joined Weight Watchers, established a workout routine and made better eating choices. Losing weight was NOT easy...you see...my subconscious is a lazy bitch that just wants to sit on the couch and stuff her face hole all damn day. During the first few months of this journey I fought with her everyday just to get my workout done. I'd be all like "Let's go to the gym." and she'd be like "Hell no, Bad Girls Club is on." I think she is finally starting to come around though...who am I kidding that bitch is still lazy.
Inquiring minds want to know...here are my stats
Height: 5'6 Starting
Weight: 180
Current Weight: 144
Goal Weight 135
I didn't take measurements but I went from a 14 to a lose 8 Hells Yea!
Smiles all Around and Kisses
~KrAzY Cutie~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)